At age 13 and throughout my teen years I had many angelic visitations, and saw past lives. Trying to speak up about it lead to people not believing me, or making fun of me, so I quickly learned to not talk about them. At age 24, I was drugged with a date-rape drug at a party, had a massive cardiac arrest, and had a positive NDE. I later had a tremendous amount of health issues and side effects that I was trying to deal with, but my family wasn’t there to support me. They already thought the horrific sexual abuse I experienced as a child, was apparently a lie, so they automatically thought I had made this up as well. My world shattered, and we rifted apart.
Trying to talk to friends or others about my NDE resulted in people either thinking I was crazy, I was lying, or I simply had a dream. I unfortunately learned that speaking up meant that people didn’t want to know me, or simply weren’t nice or supportive in return. And I needed people, in some way in my life to function and be accepted into society, be part of a community, and to be accepted by my peers. Because I already no longer had a family, which devastated me. So I wasn’t going to lose everyone else as well. I felt I had no choice but to close myself off from the most profound spiritual experiences of my life.
After 16 years with no support, and holding in my pain and anxiety of not being able to speak about life-changing spiritual experiences, I now believe this was why my life kept falling apart.
Health, relationships, difficult life situations, everything. It was from holding in things that were so profound, and not having anyone to sincerely listen, acknowledge my experiences, or validate my feelings. Emotions are energy, who’s essence is to flow freely. But when someone is forced to hold in an energy, it literally tore holes in my body and system creating various health issues, depression, and anxiety attacks. No one should be made to feel ashamed of the truth, or be forced to hold in energies as powerful as emotions.
Last February I found IANDS, joined as a member, spoke to the most kind-hearted soul who answered the phone at the IANDS office, and wrote out my NDE narrative for the first time, which felt so liberating. I then started going to experiencer meetings. I was astounded that there were so many other people there, and for the first time in my life be in an actual “room” with other people who’ve also earth-died and been out of their bodies, or had some other type of spiritual experience. To hear them speak about side effects that I’d always struggled with, or speak about elements in their NDE that were similar to my own, or speak of angels or past lives like I’ve experienced, was so powerful, enlightening and comforting. To be with people who were openly speaking about the ethereal, and have it now be okay for me to as well, floored me. People were open, honest, kind, and non-judgemental about it at the same time. This was unbelievable that this existed and I somehow was lucky enough to have tapped into being a part of it. It was a blessing.
I was far too shy to speak up the first meeting, and afterwards I cried uncontrollably, for a long time. Not out of sadness; but out of relief. It was a release of all that had been pent up for all those years, and all those anxieties and fears that had been engrained in me to never speak up. A release of all those cracks in my soul, and the block in my energy that became stagnated, resulting in an inability to truly enjoy life. I cried from relief that for the first time in my life, I didn’t need to be shut off, and I didn’t need to hide, and I could just “be”. I no longer needed to worry about speaking my truth of my experiences, that I knew were real. So I cried, for a long time, knowing that this release was what I’d needed all these years. I simply had no idea how to go about it, or where to find help. IANDS was the answer.
I’m 41, I’ve astral traveled with angels since the age of 13, and have held those powerful life changing experiences inside for 28 years, because no one believed me. Yet here was a whole group of people that were the most respectful, non-judgemental, accepting, and kind people that I have ever met, and they were actively disclosing their experiences at the same time as honoring others stories. It was the exact opposite of everything I’d ever experienced in my life. And I knew at that moment that I was going to go to every meeting and force myself through fear to start speaking up about my experiences too.
Because that’s what was going to heal me, and help me find a way to put back together all the pieces of my soul, that had shattered all those years earlier. I felt that this was my real family that I saw on all those small rectangles on my computer screen. My soul family. Because this family was kind, respectful, and accepting of each other, for who we each uniquely are. That is a real family.
I routinely went to meetings, and as terrified as I was, with palms sweating and heart racing, I began to slowly speak up during meetings. I just kept pushing myself through the terror my body still felt while speaking about my experiences, and it slowly became easier. After 6 months I finally felt comfortable speaking up for the first time in my life. To the point that I actually looked forward to being able to speak, and feel the freedom of being myself and speaking my truth. That is the power of kindness; the power of having people in the group accept me as I am, and validate my feelings. As well as never be put down, judged, or kicked out of the group for not conforming to what the status quo believes. This group has not only given me hope that I can now be my authentic self as the spiritual being that I am, but also given me the courage to use my light gifts and abilities, solely to help others.
This group has also motivated me with every chance I get to validate others’ experiences, welcome the new experiencers, or disclose a positive story to offer hope to whatever someone may be struggling with.
Because I want to give back to my new family. And because I know first-hand the extreme harm it can do to others, to have to shut off a part of their soul, and conform to others, just to be accepted by them. I do not want anyone else, ever, to have to feel the pain of what I went through. So I attempt my best to do for others, what they have done for me in these sharing groups, of transforming my world into one of hope. Especially when like me, they may not have a single other person in their life that they can openly speak to about their experiences.
Now, to finally be able to practice my spirituality daily, I have never felt so free in my entire life. Because of that I can never go back to closing myself off again. This is what IANDS has done for me. I would have never gotten to this stage without their support of being connected to other NDE and STE’ers through the ISGO groups.
Months ago, after all the years of repressing my abuse, spiritual experiences, and emotions around them, I was contemplating suicide. Thankfully, that is when I found IANDS. Their compassionate and helpful staff, their kind and warm group facilitators, their many enlightening speakers who present online, and especially their powerful, welcoming sharing groups, all saved my life. I owe them a currency that I feel I could never give back to them in. For what is the currency of a life? What is the value of a life? It’s priceless. Thank you IANDS, for the first time in my life to allow me to be the light energy being that I truly am, and be able to now speak my truth. I am forever grateful.